Rifling through mortality

I have been avoiding this but something tells me it might be therapeutic to talk about it. Feel free to skip, it's another Nanny post.

It's been medically confirmed that Nanny has either Alzheimers or vascular dementia. I can't believe we're nearing that very point in life that I've been dreading and denying ever since I can remember. She has been moved to a nursing facility and she wants to come home. Not a nice feeling for my mother to have to explain to her over and over again that she has to stay. Furthermore, she has smoked since she was 18 and she can't smoke where she's living so she's wearing a patch and trying to bargain deals with my dad so she can have her smokes back. I'm so sad.

My mom and her brothers are taking care of her old apartment, divvying up furniture and such because she is in a furnished room at the home now. Most of her stuff will go to charity but my mom asked me if I wanted anything and I decided to go to the apartment with my boyfriend. I felt bad about the whole thing, trying to be respectful, not vulture-ing the place. As soon as I walked in, I spotted at least a hundred things that Nanny's had for years. She kept everything. Oh great, here come the tears. I hadn't been in the place for 10 seconds and I was already sobbing over some ceramic figurines and picturing myself passing by them almost daily in my childhood. Running by the glass bookcase filled with treasures on my way from her bedroom to run outside and jump in the pool. Walking by countless knick-knacks while heading to the spare room at a much too late hour during our many sleepovers. I can still hear the creaking in the floor exactly as it was. The heavy dusty smell of books. The ugly doll collection (she felt sorry for them and rescued them from garage sales). The junk jewelry...god the jewelry. It was beautiful to see what she has held onto over the years. Pictures, letters, crafts we had made her when we were kids, everything. And she didn't ever achieve hoarder status, because everything was minimal and put away neatly.

How do you determine what is trash and what is treasure? I searched for the things she specifically told me she wanted me to have and located them after digging them out from beneath other things that would lead me to distraction..."Oh there's that newspaper article she cut out to show me back when I was nine...she kept that??" I found a beautiful jewellry box and I actually remember when she bought it. Inside were a few trinkets and mismatched earrings. I filled it with what jewelry I figured I'd actually wear as well as one very important necklace...

When I was really small, she bought herself a set of beads that looked just like candy. I remember actually trying to take a bite out of it. Sure enough, there it was with a bunch of stuff in a box. If I had walked out of the apartment without those beads I'd never forgive myself.

There was also a photo, almost the length of a metre stick...of her entire office in the Munitions and Supply Dept. of the Gov't....1941. Women wearing smart hats with feathers, men in suits, Nanny looking beautiful and stylish with curly hair. I took that with me as well. I plan on hanging it in my finished basement. I have a great appreciation for history and that photo was the coolest thing I could find.

Oh this is so odd, going through someone's belongings and they're not even dead. She seems pretty sharp here and there but then she'll say something really peculiar. I have to stop every now and then and wonder what the hell is in store for me...mental illness on my father's side and Alzheimer's on my mother's side. My poor children. I just hope that science will uncover the mysteries of these illnesses and find a way to 'cure' the maladies that take our living history away from us.

She ate my heart

Last night I went to the Lady Gaga concert. Normally when I go to shows, I get bored and leave early. Not this time. I would have stayed until 3am if that's how long it went. I wasn't even close up, I was on the 2nd level. The opening band, The Scissor Sisters were totally cute. The female singer, Ana Matronic said, "If you've never heard of us you're either not gay or not British." Too funny. The very fun, very cute, and very gay male singer, Jake Shears was so full of boundless energy I kinda wondered if perhaps he and Mother Monster were doing a few bumps of coke before showtime.

Gaga did not disappoint. I was blown away from the getgo. There was a huge screen obscuring the set, a purple backlight shining, an exit sign, and a silhouette of the lady herself, humongous shoulder pads, resurrecting the 80s as only she can do. It was so surreal and her silhouette was so still that I wondered if it was just an optical illusion. But then the shadow would burst into a sudden new pose.

And that bitch can sing. Her mic went kerplooie after the first or second song. She paused between songs, noted that a mic busted, and three outfits broke. "At least you know I don't fucking lip sync"

Honestly, I've never seen an artist with maybe the exception of Freddy Mercury (though regrettably I never saw him live) who engaged their audience so beautifully. We were constantly encouraged to put our 'paws' in the air. Looking around at the packed stadium, there were thousands upon thousands of "little monsters" doing her bidding. She would pause every now and then and thank us for loving her and believing in her, never to give up and to never let anyone tell us we can't do it, whatever "it" may be.

She spoke of how she was bullied in highschool and she didn't want to go to school. I could identify with that, though it happened in university. I faced some pretty fucked up stuff in my first year living in residence and I always felt like an outsider. Looking back, they weren't the kind of people I wanted to integrate with anyway.

Wait a minute...I see what she's doing. You have to hand it to her, she is an amazing business woman. Targeting the underdog is ALWAYS going to sell. Everyone has insecurities. Everyone needs someone to look up to and identify with. Fucking clever, Stefani Germanotta. I get it, we all need a hero and she has filled the position.

Anyway, she had a lot to say and it is so amazing to see her career skyrocket. Britney Spears does not deserve to be a role model. At least Gaga has a brain....and her ass ain't bad either!

When she's in your neighbourhood, I highly recommend you check 'er out. Even if you're not a fan...she puts on such a show, it actually should be called a spectacle.