Feeeeed the worrrrrrlllllld let blah blah it's christmas time

I've been horrid about shopping for xmas this year. I still have to figure out what to get some people. I haven't wrapped a thing. I'm going the dangerous route and planning for xmas eve to do that. Probably not the best plan, I'm sure I'll revise it tomorrow.

I think because I have kids, I feel the old schmaltzy fondness for xmas. I was listening to Fairy Tale of New York by the Pogues and realized that I'd only ever heard it recently. Either my parents were way too square to know that song (most likely of scenarios), or they were sheltering me from it due to the coarse language and mature subject matter (listener discretion advised).

Then I watched THIS for the first time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls&feature=related

I think I felt a psychological need to punish myself for something because I sat through the entire thing. That song's refrain was practically on loop when I worked at a grocery store. It's like Clockwork Orange where Beethoven's 9th made Alex ill when played. Now when I hear that song I start to dry heave with memories of dickhead customers.

On the flipside, at least once a day I can depend on my daughter to blurt out "Don't you cry, back on Christmas day" (we watch a lot of Frosty). That kind of stuff I don't mind. :)

Have fun, mingle, be well.

Useless post is useless

I'm sitting here, bored out of my skull and watching Jersey Shore...I am desperately hoping that in ten years a tell-all confession book will come out written by the cast, stating that they were acting the whole time. I weep for the world if they really are that stupid. But you can't write stuff like "We're totally having guido babies. I'm gonna get a c-section so it doesn't f*ck up my vagina"

I know exactly where "The Situation" is going to end up. He's going to keep on keepin' on like a crossbreed of Fonzie mixed in with Larry from "Three's Company." Then he's going to hit rock bottom, almost die, disappear for a few years, then write an exposée on the show. Lawsuits may ensue. I honestly don't know why I watch this shit.

Time to enjoy xmas...I believe this is the fifth day of Christmas, so I have another 3 hours until someone gives me five golden rings....to the pawn shop I go.

The anti homemaker

I've been feeling kind of out of sorts lately. I was getting agitated easily, pessimistic, all Debbie Downer-ish. Then I figured out why. My kitchen was an absolute disaster and has been for a while and nobody (me and Wayne) seemed to notice it. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty embarassed about having my parents babysit here a few weeks ago, although it may have been in a disgusting, but less disgusting than now state.

Most people who are slobs are fairly in the closet about it. If someone is due to come by, the floors are swept, the counters are clear and the sitting area is at least manageable to walk in. Hours earlier there were almost whole bags of chips strewn across the floor, the counter was completely covered in junk and toast crumbs. Oh the horror if someone should pop by unannounced.

I'm just going to "come clean" (wa wa waaaaaa) about it and show you just how disgusting our place can get. And screw that whole "Oh I'm busy, I have twins, I have like zero time". My kids go to bed before 8, which gives me 2 or 3 hours to get shit done. Enjoy.

Isn't this gorgeous? HGTV eat your heart out! (If you click the picture you can see the grime even better!)

Oh it gets better! Note the Hello Kitty bobblehead I'm bringing for my office at work.

Yeah... just...yeah.

I'm ashamed to admit that I'm someone's mother right now.

So I got to work...

Still pretty crappy but better than it was. That microwave area is just so scary, I don't want to delve into its evilness.

Crappiest counter ever, the rust and such rings just give it character.

Sighhhh You know how people post this kind of crap and then say "Accept me for who I am! I'm messy! I make mistakes! I don't look perfect all the time! Blah blah blah!" Screw that. I wish I could change and I'm embarassed as hell about this. I know I've said it before but I'm a big fan of transparency (nearly to the point of oversharing but that's subjective.) It's kind of an "Am I the only one? TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!" Come on slobs...admit it. Otherwise I'm just going to sign myself up for that show "Hoarders: Buried Alive".

Hope this made you feel like cleaning.