Well, back at 'er

I went to the gym today for the first time in about a month. I'd been spending most of my evenings either at aquafit or walking around the 'hood but started getting a bit lazy, especially after being on vacation. It was good getting back into it but it wasn't easy...I left a few minutes early too. I then went to pick up a refill of the cipralex.

Some readers have privately emailed me about my post where I detailed going on anti-depressants and being diagnosed with anxiety. I'm really glad that what I wrote provoked thought. Side note: Thank you, btw for all of the encouragement. I love writing and wish I could do this for a living, that would be the dream. But I digress.  I guess I never really put true thought into the stigma attached to mental health. There are times when I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. But then it doesn't seem so bad. It's fairly day-to-day. And boy, there are a lot of mental disorders out there, I'm glad I don't have some of the really bad ones. I've been dealing with someone fairly regularly who I suspect suffers from a personality disorder and while I get absolutely enraged by their behaviour, I know I must tread lightly because it's possibly not their fault. I however wish I could shove some medication down their throats so they'll deal with it once and for all. <--this person isn't you, by the way.

So how is it going for me so far? Not bad. Sometimes I forget to take my pill and it goes downhill not that day, but a few days later. It's like PMS but worse. Also, I'm not sure if this is the right stuff for me. Yes, it chills me out a little bit, but it doesn't kill the anxiety and panic...I wonder if I need something stronger.

Then THAT opens a can of worms because due to the greed and competition of pharmaceutical companies, our society is so over-drugged that we live in a truly dependent nation. Pills pills pills.
I just need to feel ...normal? That doesn't sound right. I'd like there to be a pill where I can change my whole personality and be the person that I want so badly to be but because of my mental "condition", I say things without control and the filter gets thrown out completely.

Throw kids into the mix and it's just a whole lot of jolly good fun. Try having a two year old (and/or their twin) come up to you and ask you to play and you just want to sleep the entire day away. That's tough. I love my kids with all my heart and sometimes I can't face the day. In that respect, with these pills, things have gotten a little better. I still need to figure some things out but I'm determined that I will see some light and improvement. Then I will hopefully have extracted my head out of my ass.