Why I'm scared of ghosts

I love Hallowe'en. I don't watch that much television beyond kid-centric shows on Treehouse and Destroyed in Seconds while I wait for the kids' bedtime. But I actively look for scary movies during the spooky week of the occasion. The Exorcist creeps me out, the original Amityville still makes me think I see red glowing eyes out the window at night, hell we got desperate and watched Poltergeist II a few nights ago. "Why dontcha come with meee?" On Hallowe'en night after putting the kids to bed and disabling our doorbell from trick or treaters (we were too generous with the candy...ran out) I felt like watching a movie  besides one of the Halloween flicks or Friday the 13ths, so Wayne put on Paranormal Activity.

Ok...Ewwww! That movie fucked me up. I couldn't sleep that night. I had to make sure that my foot was on Wayne's leg at all times so I could have the reassurance that he was there. I kept replaying the heavy footsteps up the stairs turning into a run and then a door slam; I kept seeing the ending...we watched a version that can only be found online, so the ending was a lot more subtle but believable than what was shown in cinemas. I can take most horror films in stride but this one was my worst nightmare.

I don't know how I feel about ghosts, whether they exist or not but the idea terrifies me. I'm the biggest sucker at haunted walks. I was staring into the reputedly most haunted cell at the Ottawa hostel, just itching to see some dirty dead guy appear out of thin air and say something like "Boooo" or "I can smell your ****" .  I of course didn't see anything but a bunch of doors slammed violently at the Col. By museum later that night.  Anyway, I had a few incidents in my old apartment in Toronto...waking dreams, a presence visiting me in my sleep on a constant basis. It was odd. I had a feeling when I moved in that there was something there but I wasn't 100% sure. Then I had a dream one night (very vivid, I was completely lucid, wide awake in a dream) that I was in my parents' basement and I saw someone on their stairs in the corner of my eye. I just instinctively *knew* it was the spirit in my apartment. I got very frightened and woke myself up before he could engage me. And this continued on once a week or so for several months. One night I was in bed, crying for some reason and I felt someone squeeze my hand. No one was there. Every time I had one of the dreams, I could sense this entity just wanted to talk to me, make no harm. But I chickened out every time. Over time I started feeling a little less uneasy about it, I even felt sorry for the entity. But I didn't like the idea of being haunted.

I was at a bar one night and saw one of my housemates from the 3rd floor there and invited her to sit with me. It took a few drinks but I finally brought up the subject of the ghost. I asked if she'd seen anything funny because she actually used to live in my apartment years before. She got really excited and said "You've seen him too?" The fact that she knew he was male was unsettling...then we compared notes. I remembered from seeing him on the stairs in that first dream that he had dark hair, was in his late twenties/early thirties, good looking, and had a kind face. (Damn, why couldn't he be alive? He comforted me in my emo-ness) and she confirmed all those details. Her roommate actually saw him in a mirror while she was doing her hair, they'd feel his presence from time to time, etc. Then she told me her own experience...she never saw him but one night they were cooking and disabled the smoke alarm. That night when she went to bed she heard his voice, clear as day: "Fix the smoke detector" She, obviously scared shitless just whispered that she would fix it first thing in the morning.

I wondered who he was and what he wanted. I knew somehow that his name was Chris...it was the only name that would be agreeable to the thought (and trust me I went through a lot of names and he didn't agree with any of them in my mind) I tried to be brave and face him during the 'dreams' which were escalating and becoming much more frequent. But it became clear that I was never going to be brave enough to even look at him. I vocalized one night "Please stop trying to speak with me. I'm too scared to talk to you. I'm sorry, I wish I could help you but I'm too afraid. Feel free to stay, but let's just 'co-exist' without the creepiness." And that was seriously the end of it. I never had another waking dream again. Not. a. one.

I guess if ghosts do exist, I got lucky. It could have been some creepy restless spirit or a demon. I contacted The Toronto Ghosts and Hauntings Research Society and shared my story with them. I didn't want them to publish it though as I didn't want to bring attention to the house and possibly piss Chris off. They in turn, did some research on the house and couldn't find any information about anyone dying there. I still wonder who he was.

Point of the story (is there EVER one with me?) I'm scared of ghosts...Paranormal Activity scared me. I would totally watch it again, too.