I was on the bus the other day and was grateful to find a seat, which is fairly rare when you're catching the bus at Tunney's Pasture. I sat down, exhaled, looked around, and was confronted by an all too familiar face sitting directly in my focal point. I didn't know the guy, but the look he gave me was way too familiar. He gave me the good ol' "I'm gonna tell you my life story for the duration of this bus ride and you're going to be too polite to ignore me." look.
There's a reason I haven't been to Toronto in over 5 years, beyond the fact that I have kids and obligations now. The last time I was there, I was constantly exposed to whatthefuckery.
First day there: Well to preface, I had arranged with a guy friend that I would be staying at his place for part of the time so I could save money. He didn't live in the most convenient location but I wasn't about to turn my nose up at free lodging. Unfortunately I conveniently forgot that I had once hooked up with this individual years earlier and didn't stop to think that he might perhaps be carrying a bit of a torch for me even after I gave him the post-coital "I'm enjoying being single" talk. Anyway, I had asked him if he had a couch I could crash on. He said he did, I was welcome to stay, blaw blaw blaw. What he failed to mention was that his couch was also his bed. His only bed. I was totally not into this guy and thought he understood we were just friends. Apparently this was a complicated concept. So...I basically had to sleep with my arms crossed and legs balled up under my chin. I never had experienced someone trying repeatedly to raise my face to theirs by tipping up my chin. It's not pleasant. And meanwhile I'm gritting my teeth, being polite and asking him not to. I don't want to offend him, I'm too cheap to get a hotel. Maybe if he understands that we're JUST FRIENDS he'll back off and he can act normal. I resorted to telling him that the medication I was on deprived me of my sex drive and it was pointless to try. Boy did that backfire...he considered it a challenge and put his efforts into overtime. So after a night of asking this guy to back off until he finally got the point (took around 5 hours) I realized that no amount of hints, subtle or obvious would get this guy to stop humping my leg. I packed my stuff and checked into a hotel. Screw it. I would pay $200 that I hadn't originally planned on if it meant getting away from this loser.
Day 2: I arrived at my hotel and it was beautiful. Nice view, close to the TTC and far away from couch/bed boy. I rested up, read the "complimentary" newspaper, revelled in my freedom and decided to get a bite to eat. As I wasn't familiar with the area, I gave in and went to McDonalds. This one had tables with stools facing out the window, so I could see passersby. One fellow passed by (in the direction away from the door to McD's) and our eyes met, so we gave each other what I thought was a perfunctory, polite smile. The next thing I know, buddy's sitting next to me. I didn't even see him turn around! I've got a mouthful of burger and I'm clearly trying to read more of the paper and he starts in on his life story. I'm nodding and giving half hearted answers to his increasingly invasive questions when he finally gets to the point. He's down on his luck, his horse farted in his face, now he has pink eye, his mom said he's ugly, he lost bigtime in an arm wrestling contest, could he borrow fifty bucks? I'm not the most tactful or discreet person, I just point blank said hell no. He of course, wouldn't let it go, had to know why, as well as why was I such a bitch? I stated the obvious, I don't know him, I'll never see the money again, I didn't invite him to my table and most of all, "I'm eating my supper and I'd like it to be in peace." It went around like this a few times until he finally gave up and left, but my dinner was thoroughly ruined.
Day 3: I decided to mosey over to the Horseshoe Tavern where I used to work and visit with my friends who work there. I was sporting a bag with The Pixies on it. I'm sitting at the bar, talking to my friends and this fucking hipster wannabe is sitting a few stools down and OF COURSE has to bother me. He was making lame jokes I guess in an attempt to engage me in conversation. After noticing my not-so-subtle eye rolling, he breaks into the "You like The Pixies?" in this doubtful tone. "Yup." Sip beer. "Name ONE song." he snivells. At that point, I wasn't about to play this shitheel's game. I said "You know what? I'm here talking with my friends, enjoying my beer and you're sitting there acting the fool. Fuck off and get a life." He sheepishly took his verbal spanking and said "Fair enough." It shut him up for a while but he spent the rest of the night pointing me out to strangers and regaling the tale but with him being portrayed in a much better light. Another wtf night.
Let me just say that I'm not exaggerating any of these tales. I really am that much of a bitch and I really just wanted to be left alone.
My last night there almost redeemed the trip by way of a Mudvayne concert but even that couldn't fully cheer me up as I ended up having an argument with my friend (which I surprisingly didn't start). I could almost see the storm cloud that was following me around at this point as I walked towards the bus depot. I calmed down, ate some breakfast and went outside for a smoke. I'm sitting there, smoking away when this girl around my age sits beside me on the curb and asks for a smoke. I didn't have many left and told her as much. She then requested the rest of my cigarette when I was finished with it, which I found kind of odd but whatever. I can spare some cigarette dregs if you're that desperate. I held out the butt to her and she instantly transformed into her true form. "Can you put it on the ground? I don't want to catch your germs." I asked her how smoking the rest of my smoke wasn't germ catching when handing it over was? "Oh well the concrete will sterilize your germs." I gave this face O_o and watched as she smoked my sterilized cig butt. Then...I remembered my whole trip to Toronto and all the stupid I had encountered and I suddenly knew what she was going to say next and I was ready for it, tired of every wacko in the fine city of Toronto approaching me and branding me a sucker. "Hey can I borrow fiv-" "Get the fuck out of here. Get lost, we're done." Scared, she backed away and vamoosed. Afterward I was mad at myself for swearing at her but I had had enough by that time.
In retrospect, I was an angry young woman, perhaps distrustful and jaded but then again, I was a lot bolder and rude-r back then. And it was Toronto. To shed some light, I'm from Ottawa. I live in Nepean. I was raised in Stittsville. The weirdest thing that I encounter is when I find dead animals in my backyard. Maybe in my previous 4 years of living in Toronto I was lucky and managed to avoid most of the mooches, desperate boners and germaphobes but they were out in full force that fateful February 2006.
So going back to my original thought, I was on the bus and some guy gave me "the look" that I learned to spot in Toronto. In the split second of that smile, I said to myself, "Fuck that" and stood at the back of the bus. Sorry, but being physically comfortable isn't worth hearing about some stranger's sad and lame tale. I just don't have the energy even now.
Wow, I'm really jaded...stranger = crazy. Says a lot about me. Anyway if you're that lonely person and you find yourself saying to a complete stranger "Ah this weather reminds me of living on my uncle's farm the year I was molested by a jersey cow", you might want to think about seeking help. And I'm sure we met in Toronto.
Oh and nobody asked to touch my breast (well maybe couch/bed boy did but I blocked it out) I just thought the title fit.
There's a reason I haven't been to Toronto in over 5 years, beyond the fact that I have kids and obligations now. The last time I was there, I was constantly exposed to whatthefuckery.
First day there: Well to preface, I had arranged with a guy friend that I would be staying at his place for part of the time so I could save money. He didn't live in the most convenient location but I wasn't about to turn my nose up at free lodging. Unfortunately I conveniently forgot that I had once hooked up with this individual years earlier and didn't stop to think that he might perhaps be carrying a bit of a torch for me even after I gave him the post-coital "I'm enjoying being single" talk. Anyway, I had asked him if he had a couch I could crash on. He said he did, I was welcome to stay, blaw blaw blaw. What he failed to mention was that his couch was also his bed. His only bed. I was totally not into this guy and thought he understood we were just friends. Apparently this was a complicated concept. So...I basically had to sleep with my arms crossed and legs balled up under my chin. I never had experienced someone trying repeatedly to raise my face to theirs by tipping up my chin. It's not pleasant. And meanwhile I'm gritting my teeth, being polite and asking him not to. I don't want to offend him, I'm too cheap to get a hotel. Maybe if he understands that we're JUST FRIENDS he'll back off and he can act normal. I resorted to telling him that the medication I was on deprived me of my sex drive and it was pointless to try. Boy did that backfire...he considered it a challenge and put his efforts into overtime. So after a night of asking this guy to back off until he finally got the point (took around 5 hours) I realized that no amount of hints, subtle or obvious would get this guy to stop humping my leg. I packed my stuff and checked into a hotel. Screw it. I would pay $200 that I hadn't originally planned on if it meant getting away from this loser.
Day 2: I arrived at my hotel and it was beautiful. Nice view, close to the TTC and far away from couch/bed boy. I rested up, read the "complimentary" newspaper, revelled in my freedom and decided to get a bite to eat. As I wasn't familiar with the area, I gave in and went to McDonalds. This one had tables with stools facing out the window, so I could see passersby. One fellow passed by (in the direction away from the door to McD's) and our eyes met, so we gave each other what I thought was a perfunctory, polite smile. The next thing I know, buddy's sitting next to me. I didn't even see him turn around! I've got a mouthful of burger and I'm clearly trying to read more of the paper and he starts in on his life story. I'm nodding and giving half hearted answers to his increasingly invasive questions when he finally gets to the point. He's down on his luck, his horse farted in his face, now he has pink eye, his mom said he's ugly, he lost bigtime in an arm wrestling contest, could he borrow fifty bucks? I'm not the most tactful or discreet person, I just point blank said hell no. He of course, wouldn't let it go, had to know why, as well as why was I such a bitch? I stated the obvious, I don't know him, I'll never see the money again, I didn't invite him to my table and most of all, "I'm eating my supper and I'd like it to be in peace." It went around like this a few times until he finally gave up and left, but my dinner was thoroughly ruined.
Day 3: I decided to mosey over to the Horseshoe Tavern where I used to work and visit with my friends who work there. I was sporting a bag with The Pixies on it. I'm sitting at the bar, talking to my friends and this fucking hipster wannabe is sitting a few stools down and OF COURSE has to bother me. He was making lame jokes I guess in an attempt to engage me in conversation. After noticing my not-so-subtle eye rolling, he breaks into the "You like The Pixies?" in this doubtful tone. "Yup." Sip beer. "Name ONE song." he snivells. At that point, I wasn't about to play this shitheel's game. I said "You know what? I'm here talking with my friends, enjoying my beer and you're sitting there acting the fool. Fuck off and get a life." He sheepishly took his verbal spanking and said "Fair enough." It shut him up for a while but he spent the rest of the night pointing me out to strangers and regaling the tale but with him being portrayed in a much better light. Another wtf night.
Let me just say that I'm not exaggerating any of these tales. I really am that much of a bitch and I really just wanted to be left alone.
My last night there almost redeemed the trip by way of a Mudvayne concert but even that couldn't fully cheer me up as I ended up having an argument with my friend (which I surprisingly didn't start). I could almost see the storm cloud that was following me around at this point as I walked towards the bus depot. I calmed down, ate some breakfast and went outside for a smoke. I'm sitting there, smoking away when this girl around my age sits beside me on the curb and asks for a smoke. I didn't have many left and told her as much. She then requested the rest of my cigarette when I was finished with it, which I found kind of odd but whatever. I can spare some cigarette dregs if you're that desperate. I held out the butt to her and she instantly transformed into her true form. "Can you put it on the ground? I don't want to catch your germs." I asked her how smoking the rest of my smoke wasn't germ catching when handing it over was? "Oh well the concrete will sterilize your germs." I gave this face O_o and watched as she smoked my sterilized cig butt. Then...I remembered my whole trip to Toronto and all the stupid I had encountered and I suddenly knew what she was going to say next and I was ready for it, tired of every wacko in the fine city of Toronto approaching me and branding me a sucker. "Hey can I borrow fiv-" "Get the fuck out of here. Get lost, we're done." Scared, she backed away and vamoosed. Afterward I was mad at myself for swearing at her but I had had enough by that time.
In retrospect, I was an angry young woman, perhaps distrustful and jaded but then again, I was a lot bolder and rude-r back then. And it was Toronto. To shed some light, I'm from Ottawa. I live in Nepean. I was raised in Stittsville. The weirdest thing that I encounter is when I find dead animals in my backyard. Maybe in my previous 4 years of living in Toronto I was lucky and managed to avoid most of the mooches, desperate boners and germaphobes but they were out in full force that fateful February 2006.
So going back to my original thought, I was on the bus and some guy gave me "the look" that I learned to spot in Toronto. In the split second of that smile, I said to myself, "Fuck that" and stood at the back of the bus. Sorry, but being physically comfortable isn't worth hearing about some stranger's sad and lame tale. I just don't have the energy even now.
Wow, I'm really jaded...stranger = crazy. Says a lot about me. Anyway if you're that lonely person and you find yourself saying to a complete stranger "Ah this weather reminds me of living on my uncle's farm the year I was molested by a jersey cow", you might want to think about seeking help. And I'm sure we met in Toronto.
Oh and nobody asked to touch my breast (well maybe couch/bed boy did but I blocked it out) I just thought the title fit.
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